Diamonds and Coal: Oct. 3, 2014

Coal to the sophomore who said of letter writing, “The person’s handwriting looks like the person himself or herself.” Our chicken scratch has nothing to do with our stunning good looks.

 

Coal to Kari Lang, executive director of the West Broadway Neighborhood Association, who said, “We yelled and screamed and we didn’t feel like we were being listened to.” Try using your inside voice!

 

A diamond to Hillary Davis, policy associate for the American Civil Liberties Union of Rhode Island, who said, “You should not need an ID to cast your constitutional right to vote or to preface your constitutional right to vote.” If only liquor stores abided by this patriotic logic.

 

Coal to Kevin Bath, assistant professor of cognitive, linguistic and psychological sciences, who said, “Stress is a somewhat complex thing.” That would be something of an over-simplification.

 

Cubic zirconia to Mark Maremont ’80 P’11, who said, “There’s no doubt that print media has been incredibly challenged.” Sounds like what our friends say every day when we start Herald production.

 

A diamond to Sheila Bridges ’86, who said, “You just have to do it, and then you maybe retrospectively convince yourself that it was the right thing.” We felt much the same way about last weekend.

 

A diamond to Sean Kelly ’84, who said, “Personally, I hope I end up in heaven, rather than that other place, which is Dartmouth.” Pong, salmon shorts and outhouses are interests of the devil himself.

 

A diamond to the pre-vet student who said, “Every semester, I found out something new that I wasn’t doing that I had to be doing.” Kind of like the writing requirement … It just sneaks up on you.

 

Cubic zirconia to postdoctoral research fellow Andreas Winkler, who said, “Tax receipts are boring.” Speak for yourself!

 

Coal to Dean of the College Maud Mandel, who said, “Advising at Brown is like the Middle East peace for every American president.” Hey, if Herald opinions columnists wrote a bit more about the former and less about the latter, we wouldn’t complain.

 

Coal to the football player who said, “If you can’t get up for a game like this, you don’t really have much of a pulse.” And if the game doesn’t work, we think there are some little blue pills you can take for that.

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