Sam Kruyer, BK ’19

Well this is awkward. Everyone is freaking out about their midterms and somehow, you don’t have a single one. Terrified of social humiliation, you cower in your room, furtively ripping through the Halloween section of Netflix, awaiting the coming of Fall Break when you might chance emerging unharmed. However, what you may not know is that you can still navigate through your day-to-day life while keeping your dirty secret safe. Here are five quick and easy tips:

• When asked, “how are your midterms going,” answer with a simple reversal: “How are your midterms going?” So flattered to be asked a personal question, they’ll immediately launch into an answer without a single thought of your subtle subterfuge.
• Ask if they’ve seen the major motion picture starring Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, “A Star is Born.” One of the following two things will happen: 1. They have seen the film and are prepared to give their unqualified admiration or withering damnation of said film. 2. They have not seen the film at which point you will suggest watching the trailer as a fun study break. Afterwards, you’ll look at each other and share a warm smile, both feeling refreshed, relieved, and ready to return to not talking about how you don’t have a single mid-term.
• If someone catches you hitting next episode on a marathon of “The Great British Baking Show,” cooly reply that this isn’t your computer, these aren’t even your clothes, this isn’t even you, you’re talking to an entirely different person, goodbye.
• When you accidentally send your friends a Snapchat of yourself three penny drinks deep at Woads, say you got a dean’s excuse for all of your midterms because you’re super siiiiiiickkkk.
• When people ask how your midterms went, say, “they went” with an air of resignation. Hook, line, and sinker nerds.

Ways To Keep Your Friends From Finding Out You Don’t Actually Have Any Midterms was originally published in The Yale Herald on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.