The world can sometimes be a lonely place. Dark, lonely – it feels that way when we are in constant search for that perfect mate. But we somehow know in our naturally romantic hearts that once we find that one person, the darkness and loneliness will go away and eventually result in a big, white wedding.
But WHERE do we meet those people? That “one”?
It’s strange that no one can meet in a traditional way anymore. What happened to the wholesome, cute Nicholas Sparks-type meetings? Or even the old Hollywood kind? Seeing anything like what we saw between Doris Day and Rock Hudson is rare in the here and now. Those marriages are the kind that last the longest, with the best stories to tell the kiddies.
But what about NOW? How do we meet people without forcing ourselves to go to a bar?
According to eHarmony.com, the best way to find a mate is through them, with “29 dimensions of deep, meaningful compatibility, like intellect, values and character.” Twenty percent of relationships come from some sort of dating site online, and, according to a recent study, odds are, the ”happier” relationships are resulted from a dating site.
I’ve always felt that was a bunch of hogwash.
I’m 22, in college, and don’t have a lot of time to meet guys outside of the university classroom. Apparently, most of my peers feel the same way. Even my brother felt that way, and he didn’t have the added pressure of classes and grades to make.
After a few failed relationships via okCupid.com (one of the only free and decent dating sites), my brother was ready to give up. I was living in Florida at the time, so when I received a text from him quoting a country song – “I’ve Got a Girlfriend Now” – I was a little confused.
When I had seen him last, he was recovering from his breakup from a girl who was more than a little bit mentally unstable, to put it nicely. But okCupid.com seemed to work its magic again, and because of that, I’m going crazy.
Why? Because I’m a bridesmaid.
After my brother proposed to his fair maiden (in Sunken Gardens, no doubt – I trained my big brother well), the planning started, and hasn’t stopped since – and that was a year ago. With the big day drawing near, I start to wonder, is there something to online dating?
So I ran a small experiment.
Long ago, I gave up on online dating. It is a particular thing for me to have that shared history, maybe duke it out a little. And THEN looking at someone and seeing that they’re the one. Granted, chatting online for me is where I put out the best of my personality – I’m sarcastic, joking, and I have the added benefit of emoticons. ;) But in real life, when I meet someone, things tend to go downhill. It always feels very fake, like I’m playing out a scene in a movie and everyone else has their lines, but no one gave me mine beforehand, so I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.
While I was doing my research, someone popped up to talk to me. It’s been a while since I dated last, and with my very own brother being an example of online dating success, I figured, why not? What have I got to lose? So we decided to meet for pie and a pita.
While it may work for some, I have come to the conclusion that online dating is NOT for everyone.
While the chatting wasn’t bad, and he was very nice, I couldn’t help but wonder WHY I was here? We had a lot in common, though at very different levels. Where I can jump from one subject to ten others in about a minute, I completely lost him along the way. While I am a target archer, he enjoys hunting of all kinds, which is definitely something I can’t stomach.
But most importantly – he felt things were important where I had no interest, and he waved off the things that are important to me.
It is a fact that must be acknowledged: differences sometimes can’t be overcome.
I know, I know. It was only one date, not even a real date. But when you see things that bug you now, odds are, they will only get worse. And I’m also an avid believer in NOT changing a man to fit you. Plus, if it’s right, that shouldn’t even have to happen.
My brother and his fiancée, well – they can sometimes make me a little ill. They are a couple that fits together SO well that they are practically the same person. But meeting someone online is not necessarily the only way to meet your future self.
Like we saw with Rock Hudson and Doris Day in the days of yore, you can meet people in other ways, too. And wind up being just as happy.
My cousin, who currently lives in Denver, is celebrating his one year anniversary this month. He married a woman who is, again, the female him. They met through mutual friends who happened to be dating. Another acquaintance of mine married a man she met while swing dancing out at Pla Mor. And then, I’m sure all of us know of at least one couple that is married – probably with kids now – that were “high school sweethearts.”
There are stories of sad endings, awkward endings, and endings that came so gradually, they’re difficult to say when a relationship ended at all. But the most discernible are also the most memorable.
Happy Endings.