Freshman Screw: What happens at screw stays at screw. Except for the Facebook album documenting the weird shit that went down. First of all there is an inappropriate number of upper classmen heavily featured (Hi Jeremy Hutton…). Every photo is a close-up–every droopy eye, clogged pore, untrimmed nose hair is crystal clear. There are over 200 photos in the album, so take some time to get close with all the randos who dropped it like F. Scott. FCC, killin it.
NEMO challenge: “We are calling upon you to decorate Yale’s campus with magnificent works of ice art. And receive burritos for it,” reads the FCC email. Then they had to extend the deadline. Whatever, the octopus on the submarine is clearly in a league of its own and going to win so I would hardly even call this a competition at this point. But real talk where’s the abstract stuff? All the snow sculptures are so literal. And nothing even remotely inappropriate? How is that even possible…?
Next up: Matchmaker. Maybe I’m not awesome at making my own friends, but FCC’s really rubbing it in by “suggesting” people that I’m “similar” to. I took the personality survey. All it asked was whether I consider myself an athlete, hipster, math nerd, or party animal. Go ahead and eliminate the hipster category, because hipsters (at least the real ones) would never self-identify as such, and they wouldn’t take the survey to begin with. Every athlete already knows every other athlete, so there’s nothing in it for them either. I got my results today, and I’m honestly just not sure what to do with them. Do I email my “matches” to grab a meal? What do I tell myself if they don’t respond?
What I’m trying to say, FCC, is keep on swingin’. The Law of Probability says that one day, you too can hit a home run. Alternatively, you could chill out, leave us alone for little while, and see what we do when left to our own devices.