It’s officially “What are your summer plans?” season and I’m officially behind. Every time I’m asked this question I do a little hand waving and say, “I just want to, like, go be in Europe or something.” Unacceptable answer, Kohler.

So, like any semi-responsible, 19-year-old semi-adult, I’ve been browsing the listings on New Haven Craigslist, and I’ve found so many great opportunities that I felt compelled by a sense of altruism to share them with you.

1. “Know someone with a bad wig?” — The description for this job opportunity begins with the startlingly accurate statement that “Wigs are the hottest new trend.” Okay, I’ll bite. “If you know someone who needs a wig makeover, email us today!” I’m not exactly sure how that qualifies as a job opportunity, but I’m definitely going to apply nonetheless.
2. “WANTED HARD WORKER WITH PICKUP TRUCK START TODAY” — You do the math.
3. “Women needed for adult flim [sic]” – Seriously though, don’t apply to that one.
4. “COOKING SHOW HOST” — To be honest that actually sounds awesome.
5. “Lube tech” — I mean… I do know a good amount about lube. Get it?
6. “Semi drivers” —  The description for this job is somewhat vague—“GREAT MILES” “GREAT PAY” “CALL 224.558.5668.” I’ve taken it to mean that they want drivers who only have their learner’s permits. Like me.