Dr. Date,

Do you have any advice for people who are just starting the online dating thing?

—Online For the First Time

Dear Virtual Virg,

I’m all for meeting new homies in any kind of situation. Study buddies, coffee shop gossip gals and coworkers are all possible bones to add to your dog house.

For some reason, the old-fashioned, technology-free romantic in me just will not die. I want all ya’ll Ski-U-Mahers to have real human experiences. I want you to kiss on the lips and get steamy in the sheets and whisper sweet nothings in each others’ ears. The image of an online romance with creepy old cougs/sugar-daddies and photo-shopped toolios sends my love of love into a headfirst tailspin. Try and meet a real lover in the real world.

But sometimes getting to that requires meeting someone from the wonderful World Wide Web. If you are going to take that route, (and it should only be taken as springboard into a blissful, physical, real relationship) there are some precautions you can take.

There are red flags: Is his or her profile constantly updated and as personalized as your middle school MySpace? Too into the Web scene.

Does his or her profile seem too good to be true? Too good to be true.

Is his profile picture a car? Too bad.

There is always a sense of mystery and, with it, danger in dating on the WWW. But it can also be a way for you to find someone with your same interests, who’s your age and who’s looking for something similar. Take the good with the bad, be careful and jump to the non-digital dating world when you’re ready, and online dating will be worth the try.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

So unlike a lot of other girls out there who claim to be “normal” and “pretty” and “can’t find a boyfriend,” I’m going to be honest and say that I’m super awkward and never grew out of the “I can’t let a boy know that I like him” phase. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a looker, but unlike Zooey Deschanel, I can’t make my awkwardness work out in a cute, endearing way. How can I stop self-sabotaging myself?

My single-ness is becoming a joke among my friends, and I get a disappointed/confused “huh?” when I tell my relatives that yes, I’m still single. How can a girl hit on a guy without seeming desperate? Better yet, how can I let the RIGHT guys know that I’d like some attention without being obnoxious? One quick thing: Please don’t tell me to “live it up;” I’m not looking for someone who’s only going to text me after 2 a.m. on the weekends. Also, I don’t ask guys on dates, I haven’t sunk that low yet.

—Being Single Blows

Honey Fool Fool Child,

You’re being dumb. I’m not sure how you rung in the New Year, but guess what? It’s 2013. Asking guys on dates isn’t desperate. It’s hot. Get a little pep in your step and self-confidence in your stance. You can’t just wait for love to find you and ask you out.

We all gots nosey kin. My favorite one-liner to drop at holidays and functions on their intrusive behinds is, “can’t be tamed.” Brings down the house every time.

I’m not going to tell you to “live it up,” but I will say this: loosen up. A relationship will not make your college experience. It will most likely complicate it. Make some cool single friends to hang out with. I feel your pain from hanging with a bunch of wifed-up squares. Bonus: Single friends have other single friends who could be potential boos. There is a Michael Cera out there for your Zooey, I promise.

—Dr. Date