But let’s be real: no amount of Beyoncé-themed shindigs can make anyone forget how much February blows. So why fight it? Why not embrace the month of despair with Feb Club parties that accurately reflect the February experience at Yale? Here are some suggestions of themes for the organizers of Feb Club 2014.
1. Cold Party–Turn off the radiator, slowly lose the will to do anything.
2. SAD Lamp Party–It barely helps.
3. Frozen Fingers Party–Like the Cold Party, but you have to send 15 texts a minute while being cold and losing the will to do anything.
4. Midterm Party
5. Darkness Party
6. False Promises of Hope from Asshole Punxsutawney Phil Party
7. So Cold That You Immediately Start Snotting and Tearing Up When You Step Outside Party
8. Inability to Get Out of Bed Party–No one will actually come to this party as a result of the aforementioned inability to get out of bed.
9. So Cold That the Snot and Tears That Immediately Start When You Step Outside Fall Onto Your Phone and Freeze Party
10. Historic Blizzard Party
11. Grimy Brown Snow Party
12. Shoveling Party
13. Watching the Weather at the Oscars and Wishing You’d Gone to UCLA Party
14. Puffy Coat Party
15. Sad Naps Party
16. Endless A Cappella Jams Party
17. Wind Party
18. Wind Chill Party
19. Wind Tunnel Party
20. Wind Blowing Your Umbrella Inside-Out Party
21. Wintry Mix Party–This sadly isn’t a selection of holiday goods sold at Starbucks.
22. Debilitating Addiction to Caffeine Party
23. No More 30 Rock Party
24. Tripping Over Snowbanks Party
25. People Stressing About Society-Taps Party
26. People Stressing About Goldman/Credit Suisse/etc. Interviews Party
27. People Stressing About Midterms Party
28. EVERYTHING IS GRAY Party
Two more days, people. Stay Strong.