“There needs to be a ‘[expletive] please’ emoticon.”

—Yudof Hall

“Today class was about how to be a corporate stooge.”

—Blegen Hall

Guy: “I heard gay porn is like the minor leagues for regular porn.”

—Unknown

Professor: “I treated this girl with agoraphobia by making her eat crackers off of a toilet seat.”

—Science Teaching and Student Services building

“There is one guy who is in a capella. He’s got major street cred.”

—Outside Coffman Union

Girl 1: “Was she at our house last night?”

Girl 2: “She was! I was totally making out with her on the counter!”

—Mariucci Arena

Girl: “I love you even though you’re less awkward than you used to be.”

—Lind Hall

Guy 1: “How much ass have you gotten lately?”

Guy 2: “… Ass?”

Guy 1: “Because I GUARANTEE I’ve gotten more.”

—Dinkytown

Girl: “Look at my smart cat!”

Guy: “Look at that dumb human!”

—Unknown