I feel a lot about frat parties like I do about hummus.

In theory, it seems like a pretty okay idea, but I usually hate it once it’s happening to me.

I remember my first frat party, and it went a lot like what happens every time I eat hummus:

Someone else suggests it, and they seem excited about it.

I have no opinion, but decide that it is best to pretend.

We prepare for the event, which in the case of hummus involves procuring vegetables and perhaps maybe pita chips. We make a big deal about a trip to the store. It’s college, so we all pitch in $1 for the carrots.

There’s a flavor dilemma.

Someone complains that garlic makes them feel sick.

I get annoyed because I’m like, just because you ate too much garlic hummus with some boy some time and threw up everywhere does not mean we should never eat it again.

Why do we always buy rum?

I don’t want rum tonight. I want tequila!

Wait. Rum?

I meant red pepper hummus. (It’s a little too tangy for me.)

We eat the hummus.

It’s not as good as I think it’s gonna be, but everyone else seems to be having fun, so I go with it, and it’s really not the worst thing I ate that week.

It’s gotten to the point that I think that I really like hummus.

Every time I go to the store, I try to buy a different brand, a different flavor.

It seems I am in search of some ultimate hummus that I am beginning to believe may not exist.

I am in a constant state of seeking. I am a seeking a frat party that is actually fun. I am seeking a flavor of hummus that is actually satisfyingly delicious and not just tangy and grainy and okay with carrots.

Once, when I was at Whole Foods I found it.

Like all great frat parties, I can’t quite remember what brand it was or what happened once I was eating. I don’t even remember how I found it in the first place, to tell you the truth.

But let me tell you, it was delicious and I think it might have been caramelized onion flavor.

Since that incredible nirvanic batch of hummus, I have never again been able to recapture the magic no matter what other brands of hummus I’ve sampled.

Sure, there have been times when hummus really hit the spot.

Overall, though, my relationship with ground chickpeas has been strictly physical.

Maybe I’m looking for love in all the wrong places, and maybe it’s time to admit to myself that I don’t really like hummus, but every time I come close to giving in to my general disappointment with the stuff, I get some that’s pretty ok, like the sun dried tomato variety currently occupying my fridge.

And I guess that how I feel. I can’t eat hummus all the time, but sometimes, it can be pretty epic, and if my friends are there, at least I’m enjoying their company.