Can we just agree that capitalization, like the rest of English grammar, is a fickle mistress? Yes? Good. To list things we should capitalize would be almost as complex as naming past participles (see my rant on this subject, as posted previously). Instead, I have compiled a partial list of things people shouldn’t capitalize but commonly do anyway.

1. Seasons

Unless you are referring to the Four Seasons, there is no reason for seasons to be capitalized. Therefore, we are on spring break, not Spring break. And there is no such thing as a Flu Season; flu season, on the other hand, seems to last year-round.

2. Holidays

Let me clarify that the names of holidays are capitalized — Christmas, Easter, Independence Day and the like. The word “holiday” itself, however, is usually not. The third Thursday of November can be called Thanksgiving  or the Thanksgiving holiday, but it is not the Thanksgiving Holiday. Similarly, any greeting card wishing anyone “Happy Holidays!” is grammatically incorrect.

3. Geographical directions

The Eastern Seaboard, West Oakland, the South. All of these are correct. But then all of a sudden, we don’t capitalize the “southern” border of the United States, and the sun sets in the “west” instead of the “West.” (Incidentally, the sun does both, but we are usually referring to the former.) Just remember that the examples listed first, in which directions are capitalized, denote specific geographical regions. This is pretty much the only case in which north, south, east and west are capitalized.

4. Miscellaneous…?

If I myself sound confused, it is because I am. And I think other people are, too. This is the only reason I can come up with for why a flier might suggest I check out the “Amazing Sunset” from a certain hiking trail; it may also explain why someone would suggest I join a “Community Service Club.” The errors stem from an assumption that if a word is A) naming something, whether the proper name or not, B) an event, proper name or not, or C) it just looks right, it ought to be capitalized. Ummm, no.

My tip for capitalization in general is that if you are confused and cannot come up with a distinct grammatical reason for capitalizing something, then don’t. After all, some grammarians even call random capitalization a capital offense.

Come on. Appreciate the pun. Do it.

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