A while ago, I came across a Facebook post by an acquaintance. She had been with a guy for a while and vented about how she couldn’t understand when people professed that love takes hard work — to her, if it’s right, it should be easy. She said it’s that simple.

I can’t say I agree. Sometimes our perceptions of love — what it should feel like, how it should be, how long it should last — are not exactly realistic. We develop our views on love and relationships at a young age and these views are only reinforced by the unrealistic influence of television, movies and music. We are bombarded with the message of a “perfect” romance — one without its hardships and disappointments.

As the years pass and our childhood perceptions of a perfect fantasy relationship are tethered by reality, our expectations of a fantastical relationship may still thrive. So after a rather intense argument or after a bout of doubt, we end up rethinking a relationship in which we are fundamentally happy. If we still have high expectations of romance, we will not be equipped to handle the hard times. Perhaps this is why so many marriages end in divorce.

Loving realistically takes work. It means viewing your partner as an imperfect individual. It means understanding his or her flaws and views with all your strength. It means you do not flaunt your relationship to others under a dishonest light. It means understanding there will be doubts — but you choose to stay together regardless.

It’s a commitment to one another that is as strong as it is imperfect, as hard as it is easy. This is loving with intent.