Illustration by Marlee Raible

Spring has sprung! The grass has rizz! I wonder where all them Whitties is? Oh, that’s right, they’re all inside and going crazy because Walla Walla springtime weather is so goddamn fickle! The consequence of the constantly unpredictable spring weather is that it slowly drives students to a state of insanity. Springtime at many other colleges means sun’s-out-guns-out and sundresses, but at Whitman it means confused, befuddled students walking around wearing raincoats and flip-flops, or bro tanks with boots. The puzzled Whitman students are only a reflection of the erratic, capricious weather that seems to always plague the campus at this time of year. For the love of God, make up your mind, Mother Nature! The unsettling part is that even when weather is nice and warm and sunny at this time of the semester, it still spells disaster. Either you feel shitty because you’re outside enjoying the weather and constantly worrying about homework you put off, or you feel shitty because you lied to classmates/your boss about being “sick” and unable to go to a group project or go to work as you tan in the sun, or you feel shitty because you are stuck indoors working all day as your friends lounge about in the sunshine. These pent-up effects can be devastating to students’ concentration, and, in worst-case scenarios, can lead to dangerous and spontaneous forms of “fuck it” moments that happen in times such as being in an adviser’s meeting, where you abruptly interrupt him by tipping back in your chair and somersaulting out of his office. Other “fuck it” moments include cannonballing from the third floor of the library into the hanging canoe, and dropping chem textbooks from the top staircase of the Science Building onto unsuspecting professors. Needless to say, the weather is to blame, and until Mother Nature mans up and grows a pair of balls, one can continue to expect to see Whitman students to act in perverse and inexplicable ways during springtime.