What makes this day different from all other days, you ask? Today, my five-dollar turkey, egg, and cheese isn’t just an excuse to ask Adam about who’s buying all of the ExtenZe from the front counter of GHeav (it’s Harold Bloom). Today my sandwich is a bona fide political statement. That’s because today, Friday, is this semester’s YHHAP fast, when students can give up their meal swipes in order to raise proceeds to combat hunger and homelessness in New Haven. Sound good? Sound important? Sound like a great excuse to eat dinner at Chipotle? Damn right it does.

And yet, tons of you still aren’t convinced by the whole help-the-homeless angle. “Let them eat Chipotle,” you say. Well listen up, heartless bastards: If I catch you eating in a dining hall, I’ll slap the vegan bean burrito out of your hand before it even touches your lips. Doubt me? Last spring I made a guy in Commons spit out a half-chewed ham sandwich on YHHAP day. Turned out he was a prefrosh and I induced a minor choking fit, but no regrets. So just try me kiddo. You’re next.