Step aside, FOOT.  The Bullblog has just received word of four new pre-orientation trips that have been created, and we could not be more proud to break the news.  Here’s the list:

HAND

The “Having A Neat Dorm” pre-orientation is geared to the busiest members of the incoming class, as they’ve simply never had time to learn the basics: laundry, cleaning up, and keeping their room tidy.  Longer versions of the trip also include maintaining a sanitary bathroom, depending on where the incoming freshman will live.  Stuf2kno from HAND: use the “cold water” setting on the washer to save energy, and don’t forget to remove the lint from the dryer before drying!  A field trip to IKEA is included, so bring your Swedish suitemate for translation purposes (hi Martin CC ’16).

Plant

You’d think this would be like Harvest, but it ain’t.  For Plant, trips are scheduled to different abandoned factories and garbage processing plants in Bridgeport, CT.  Legit survival skills are a must for this trip, as you’ll have to make sure no broken glass or sewage sludge gets into your peanut butter and salsa tortilla roll.  The required packing list: a gas mask, a protective smock, lots of clean underwear and nothing else.  The Yale Health Plan does not cover Plant trips, fyi, but this policy would be a generally good representation of any care you’ll get at Yale Health for your next four years. (burnnnN!)

OIS

Orientation Into SWUGdom may sound premature but at the rate that SWUG coverage is increasing, this program will be very useful for incoming freshmen.  Pack your two buck chuck and a sleeping bag, because you’ll be spending the night at Box 63, the Zeta basement, DKE blue, and 202 York.  The only caveat: you have to read the SWUG Canon consisting of a “series of essays” from the YDN and select pieces from Jezebel, Gawker, New York Mag, etc. … Kinda like DS summer reading!  (Except only DSer’s are getting fucked on Thursday nights, amirite?)

Uncultural Connections

Wait, nevermind.  Suzy Lee Weiss didn’t get in.