Girl 1: “Oh, I have to have you listen to this new band I found!”
Girl 2: “What are they called?
Girl 1: “They’re called The Beatles. They must be some sort of new hipster band.”
—Science Teaching and Student Services building
Girl 1: “American mangos are so gross.”
Girl 2: “What, are African mangos better?”
Girl 1: “Yes! Way better! It tastes like sex in your mouth!”
—Target
“I’ve never hated winter as much as I do this spring.”
—Outside Akerman Hall
Guy: “Everytime I pass a buffet, I say ‘God bless America.’”
—Dinkytown
“I was literally walking around campus with two bags full of sexy toys.”
—Middlebrook dining hall
Girl: “I’m not as drunk as you think I do!”
—Dinkytown
“Me seeing my son shouldn’t have anything to do with me getting my weed.”
—Outside the St. Paul Student Center
Girl: “He gave me a Ravenclaw shirt with my name on the back. That was so cute.”
—Outside Annie’s Parlour
Girl: “I told him I didn’t wanna [expletive], and then he poked me with his penis.”
—Unknown
“I’d suck a man’s dick for a donut right now.”
—Middlebrook Hall
“I’ve only been in one fight, and I’m a soccer player … so I threw him to the ground and kicked him.”
—Health and wellness class
Professor: “Males, what makes you cry?”
Guy 1: “‘Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.’”
Guy 2: “When the dog dies in ‘I Am Legend.’”
Guy 3: “‘Toy Story 3.’”
—Mechanical Engineering building