Professor: “This is a safe zone for nerds. I’ll stick up for you.”

—Smith Hall

“My plan is to go to the bars in my cap and gown.”

—Campus Connector

Student: “Well, I was going to comment on the previously made point, before you went off on your little monologue.”

Professor: “I like to call it teaching, but go on.”

—Blegen Hall

“It’s supposed to be, like, 76 in a few days. That’s almost, like, 80, which is, like, hot!”

—Outside Moos Tower

“Have you ever cut your butthole?”

—Centennial Hall

Girl: “I’m a babysitter. I get paid to get licked.”

—Centennial Hall

Guy 1: “Why is he so mad?”

Guy 2: “I think he’s drunk.”

—Centennial Hall

“Is there a way to call England from our lab phones?”

—Tate Laboratory of Physics

“When I’m old my boobs will be saggy, and how am I supposed to find a boy then? Why can’t I just get married in my prime?!”

—Pioneer Hall