Picture this: You’re walking to class when you spot your girlfriend laughing and joking with a guy she met in her science class. Your heart starts beating a little faster, your mind swarms with questions and your willpower — the part of you that’s rational — struggles to contain it all. You’re jealous, and it doesn’t feel good.

Jealousy is a universal emotion. So universal an emotion, some insist, that it evolved with our ancestors as a way to keep our loved ones close and prevent them from leaving us. Acting as a deterrent from mate desertion, jealousy actually served a vital part in keeping the family unit intact.

So, while jealousy (in moderation) is not necessarily a bad thing, it can quickly accelerate. Jealousy can steer our thoughts to unlikely extremes; it can drive us to say or do things we, in our “normal” minds, would never do. Our jealous selves can become skilled monitors, constantly checking Facebook accounts, computer histories and phone messages for clues that could validate our jealous feelings — even if we’re only creating them ourselves.

So, why does jealousy sometimes become excessive? And how can we control it?

If we sense the jealousy has gone too far, we need to find the source to our insecurity and inability to trust. Is my partner doing anything that’s causing me to feel insecure in this relationship? Are there possible scars from childhood that could have affected my ability to trust (including parental infidelities, abandonment, etc.)? Are there other reasons for which I could be feeling insecure (familial relationships, friendships, etc.)? Are there other areas in my life I’m possibly unsatisfied with that are causing unwarranted frustration in my relationship?

With sincere dedication and self-discovery, even a relationship suffering deep within the throes of jealousy can ultimately succeed.