Dear Katherine,

About a week ago, a guy at a party swept me off my feet — and right away, we both knew there was an instant connection and energy neither of us could ignore. He lives a state away but is moving to Eugene in June. We’ve been talking via text and phone calls every single day since we met at the party. The only problem is he is pushing we get intimate a little quicker than I was anticipating. We’ve only seen each other face-to-face for a few hours, but throughout the past week, we have really made an effort to get to know each other. I am really attracted to him, however, I am just afraid pushing intimacy could hinder my friendship with him and, more than anything, I don’t want to lose his friendship. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Flattered Yet Cautious.

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Dear Flattered Yet Cautious,

First, it’s great you found a guy you can connect with. However, if your gut is telling you not to move too fast, don’t. I’m curious — how is he pushing intimacy with you? Is he being aggressive (verbally) about it? If so, definitely express to him your hesitations about getting together too fast; tell him you’d like to take the time to get to know each other more. Because the reality is, even if you are speaking frequently and already feel close to him, you have only known him for a week — enough time to sense a connection but not enough time to truly develop it.

Be open with him about your feelings and concerns. If he doesn’t respect your wishes, he’s not worth it. If he is sensitive to your feelings and really values the connection you two already have, he would be willing, glad even, to do what makes you feel comfortable. Don’t be afraid to be honest with him and go at your own pace.

If you’re worried about ruining a potentially great platonic relationship with him by becoming more than just friends, it’s up to you to decide what you feel is more important: A great friendship or a potentially great romance. The fact that you’re even questioning your desire to be with him romantically may be evidence of your lack of feelings for him. Or, maybe you’re always hesitant in these situations. I don’t know, but take your time with it. There’s no harm in taking it slow. Time will allow you to better see what you want out of the relationship — whether you want to be friends or more.

Sincerely,

Katherine