Any guy out there wanna have a Nicholas Sparks movie marathon? I’ll provide the tissues!

—Promised a movie marathon with my roommates who all have boyfriends

Girl in Purple Hula-Hooping on the Mall,

You did things with a hula-hoop that I didn’t know were possible. Including being thoroughly captivating.

—Wondering what else those hips can do

Boys who live on 22nd and Como,

Thank you for playing DJ for the whole neighborhood. I like to think you are personally serenading me from your balcony through my window. Thank god you have good taste in music.

—Neighborly Love

PS: Play some Beyoncé, please.

Is there anyone that would cuddle on a contractual basis? Like I buy you chipotle and you make me feel like I’m not alone in the world for an hour or two? Anyone care to negotiate?

—Unknown

Jenny,

If at any time you want to trade in your strapping boyfriend for a chubby nerd, I would be willing to audition for the chubby nerd role.

—Chubby Nerd

President Mike Schmit,

Can I be your Monica Lewinsky?

—A secret admirer wanting to get into politics

To the boy dancing and singing to himself while rollerblading across the bridge today,

Rock on bro, rock on. Your jazz hands were unreal.

—Unknown

The last two girls that I’ve been interested in were tango dancers, but I have two left feet. Are there any girls at the U that need a remedial dance partner for the summer? I’ll cover costs in exchange for a few lessons!

—Unknown

To the girl who was Snapchatting herself on the treadmill,

You were cute enough to begin with, but the faces you were making into your phone were downright adorable. Snapchat with me?

—Guy who had just run 5 miles and wishes he could have stuck around longer