“I quit Snapchat as soon as he started sending me pictures of his balls.” 

—Dinkytown

Professor: “I was exposed to a lot of second-hand pot smoke last night at the Bob Dylan concert, and I swear it was like living inside a bong.”

 —Burton Hall

Guy 1: (While punching the chest of Guy 2) Dude, why the [expletive] would you do that to me?!

Guy 2: (Stomping a foot on the ground) I didn’t do [expletive] nothing to you! All I did was get myself [expletive] arrested!

—Dinkytown CVS

Guy 1: “I met a 17 year old, she was pretty cute  … it felt weird”

Guy 2: “… You should probably stop talking now.”

—Dinkytown

“She was pro-death penalty … everything you look for in a woman.”

—Bierman Field Athletic Building

“I’m going to put beef jerky in your bed!”

—Unknown

Guy: “I’m not gonna show him my little titties!”

—Comstock Hall