I KNOW RIGHT?! Grad students actually live in that looming gothic tower in the middle of the Hall of Graduate Studies. When I first heard this, I instantly doubted it, as I’m sure all of you are. But why do they live in that thing? And since when? And what’s with the pinnacle at the top—is that for lightning or broadcasting or whut! A brief investigation ensued…

Here are my findings:

This “elevator.” I hope no one still uses it. Shit looks janky—I don’t trust any electronic lift system that has a doorknob.

This turd. Wish I were kidding. In a shadowy corner of the 5th floor stairwell, this petit turd was chilling. Too small for human feces yet too big for bird poop… Possible explanations include a grad student who’s lost their shit (literally) and decided to reside permanently in the tower to haunt and menace law students (Creature of HGS: I mean no disrespect, if this article is insulting I will provide company and/or food as libation).

This beautiful dining hall, which is apparently open to all students for meals. Anyone lookin’ to date a grad student: chill by the pumpkin-themed desert table and prepare jokes about representations of autumn in Whitman, Irving, or Frost.

I could not get into any of the bedrooms (for obvious reasons) but according to the grad housing website, it seems similar to any other college rooming layout. Except that they’re in a TOWER! Like an apartment building, but grim; a skyscraper, yet brick; a mystifying citadel of learning and I guess living… (still hard for me to understand).

Now I ask you, my fellow classmates, to investigate. Research, explore, question your discoveries, and spy some more! (and plz get back to me!) We at the Bullblog have just scratched the surface of the mysterious underworld of the graduate students.

Who knows, the architecture students probably live in Loria!! Well actually, we all know that’s pretty much true…

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