Dear Katherine,

My best friends and my boyfriend don’t get along — so much so that they can’t stand being in the same room. What should I do?

Sincerely, 

Stuck In the Middle

Dear Stuck,

That’s a lot of awkward in one room. I’m curious: What is it that your friends don’t like about your boyfriend? What does your boyfriend not like about your friends? Is their rift a mere product of personality conflicts, or does it go deeper? Do your friends have a point when they say your boyfriend is selfish or rude or inconsiderate or whatever they don’t seem to like about him? Or does your boyfriend have a point when he says your friends are obnoxious or bossy or inconsiderate or whatever it is he doesn’t like about them? 

Talk to your friends. Talk to your boyfriend. Individually. Find out what ails them, and then perhaps you can remedy the situation. Perhaps once they talk to you, they can talk to each other. 

If solving the issue isn’t a possibility, then you have to express to both your friends and boyfriend how important it is to you that they get along. Even if they never become best friends, at least they can tolerate the existence of the other for the sake of their friend or partner: you.

If that doesn’t work, either, perhaps you accept their rift and carry on with the awkward scheduling of holiday and birthday celebrations.

But, if I were you, I’d reflect on what this problem might be trying to tell you: Perhaps this rift says more about your friends and boyfriend than you originally thought.

Yours, 

Katherine