The city that never sleeps! Is only an hourlong Metro North ride from this city of brotherly love and the squishiest pretzels ever. Home of Penn (where my good friend Anna goes!), the Liberty Bell, and the scene from Rocky with the theme song that I sometimes work out to (humble brag: I jog). Philadelphia has gotten more foody in recent years, and I hear that many restaurants are BYOB due to unusual liquor laws. The pope went there just this week!
I certainly don’t mind Philadelphia. So I never complain more than usual when I find myself there, which is usually once every couple years. Always Sunny is chill, the Wawa is fine, and the Barnes Collection is definitely on par with other East Coast big city museums. Philly keeps up!
D: The Pope
Pope Francis. Papa Francisco. Birth name: Jorge. Nickname: Frisco. Outfits: relentlessly sick. Erstwhile nightclub bouncer, liberator of the poor, unapologetic wearer of white after Labor Day, this Pope is p cool as far as popes go.
Living in the Vatican must be a lot, so it’s real impressive that this man is simultaneously able to make John Boehner cry AND get liberals to hail him as the hottest young thang since Kid President. The Michael Jordan of the Eucharist, the Bernie Sanders of making mischief, the Friedrich Nietzsche of kissing babies, he does it all and without breaking a sweat under his funky little pope hat.
All things considered, this Pope would get top marks– if not for allegations of a secret meeting with turtleneck-wearing homophobe Kim Davis. Very not chill, and very off-brand.
That said, I have no say in who gets to be the Pope, as I am neither Catholic nor a celibate male. So, for now, I will stay out of it. Team Frank?
Fail: Sin
Okay, this one I’m absolutely certain about. Sin is whack. Some sins are kind of okay. Gluttony? Don’t mind it. Sloth? On weekends. But many sins are just like NO. Being “a deceitful witness that uttereth lies”? No way. Killing? Is bad!
Ever since yon ancient times of Christian living, sin has been the number one no-no of all reverent peeps. Which is understandable, since it is also the name of the world’s number one jankiest wave function.
I’ve never grasped the concept of Sin as fully as some, because I’m an atheist and also “don’t apply myself” in math. But people get pretty worked up about this little three-letter word. Pope Francis, according to my Googling, is wholeheartedly against sin. My trig teacher, Mr. Draganski, was wholeheartedly in favor of wearing a Hawaiian shirt every day to school. Even in the cold of the Illinois winter! You do the math(!) Amazing. Anyway, sin gets a failing grade! I am against it. Down with sin, God bless the Pope, and God bless the U.S. of A!