Credit: Facebook

Remember in eighth grade when we all begged our parents to let us get a Facebook just so we could post Photo Booth pictures that we edited with Picnik? My, how things have changed. I can’t tell you how many videos I’ve let auto-play (without sound) instead of studying for that class it’s too late to drop, or how many of my high school peers I’ve hate-stalked. Because most of the time, let’s be honest, Facebook is the vegan gardein chicken of social media: nobody understands the attraction, and we’re kind of embarrassed by how much we like it, but something keeps bringing us back for more, at least three times in any given half-hour period. But then, sometimes between the study break invites and the self-promotion, you’ll see something that makes you think, “Hey, that’s not a super cute picture of a bulldog puppy or an angry status about a sporting event.” You’ll see something like a community coming together in the face of sadness and despair and dumb racist lardballs to capitalize on what makes social media so powerful. You’ll see a full-fledged movement, not just a trending topic, and you will see that vegan gardein chicken has learned to fly.

D: Twitter

Remember when we all thought Twitter was dumb and that we’d never use a social media platform where you were limited to 140 characters? And now we’re (it’s not just me, right?) spending every waking moment trying to come up with the perfect tweet that will make the cute guy in bio section notice us more than that moderately cute intellectual with passable comprehension of the Krebs cycle? When that notification pops up on my phone, signaling that somebody out there found my musings on vegan gardein chicken at the very least relatable, everything seems worth it. Also, if we’re going to be all serious about it, there’s no better way to spread ideas in a readable way than tweeting (stories you care about in a style you want to read!)

And then you realize that there’s also no better way for the literal garbage people on the internet to meddle and creep and harass in places they are not welcome, like the fruit flies I’m constantly trying to murder in my suite’s bathroom. And much like those fruit flies, it’s really, really hard to get rid of these idiots. You usually just end up running back and forth, trying to catch them and squeeze their dumb little brains out, but mostly just looking like you’re trying to remember how to clap while running. And yes, we could make our settings private, but then how would we get those sweet, sweet retweets? At least these idiot lardballs are limited to 140 characters too.

Fail: Old white journalists posting literally anywhere on the internet

Let me guess. PC culture is ruining America. Millennials are coddled and lazy. And they use their phones too much. Also, something about Kim Kardashian? If anyone who’s taking CS50 wants to make an app that auto-generates content using these hot phrases so these Old White Journalists can retire nice and early and stop complaining about how much it sucks that our generation actually wants to make the world better, I would be willing to pay them in vegan gardein chicken.