This Sunday, the film industry (or more accurately, its unpaid interns) will roll out the red carpet for the 88th Academy Awards, hosted by Chris Rock. Oscar night is sacred for cinephiles, but it’s also widely enjoyed by people who don’t use the word “cinephile.” And in a controversial year, all eyes will be on the event, looking for signs of the inclusivity sorely missing from the nominees.Of course, The Herald has its gripes about the nominees, but we’re willing to play the game and choose from what the Academy has offered. To be clear, these aren’t predictions, so if you’re in some sort of Oscars pool, only jot these picks down if you want to lose. Without further ado, the Academy Awards (in our dreams) go to…

Best Picture: Mad Max: Fury Road

Two words: Doof Warrior. Another word: Furiosa. Abraham Lincoln summed it up best: “If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves ride eternal, shiny and chrome! As a nation of free men, we must live through all time, or die historic on the Fury Road! Witness me!”

Best Director: George Miller, Mad Max: Fury Road

Mad Max: Fury Road is a triumph of action filmmaking, visual storytelling, and feminism, no less. Fearlessly inventive, Fury Road manages to be the most original of all of the nominated films despite being a sequel (the fourth of the Mad Max films) thanks to Miller’s confident direction. Miller’s competition churned out respectable work, but even The Revenant (from last year’s winner Alejandro G. Iñárritu) can’t contend with Miller’s remarkable vision.

Best Actor: Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs

Yes, we know, Leonardo DiCaprio has never won an Oscar, but the Internet can’t just force the Academy to give him one (well, they have but…), especially in a year when Michael Fassbender became Steve Jobs. The film itself has its share of problems, but Fassbender’s immersive performance makes up for most of them. Without looking in any way like the original Apple genius, Fassbender finds the exact energy of Jobs, rattling off Sorkin dialogue as if it’s his native tongue. Leonard DiCaprio devotes himself to his Revenant role, but Fassbender disappears into Steve Jobs.

Best Actress: Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn

Brie Larson’s turn in Room appears to be a lock for the win, so there’s no point in us overdoing the praise for Larson’s intelligent performance if these picks are entirely hypothetical. Just as worthy a winner can be found in Brooklyn, where Saoirse Ronan takes on the role of Eilis Lacey, an Irish immigrant torn between two nations. Brooklyn is entirely Ronan’s, her subtle, touching performance filling the film with heart, fear, and purpose. She makes Eilis real—not a piece of Oscar bait, a real character.

Best Supporting Actor: Tom Hardy, The Revenant

Had a colossal campaign for Leo to “finally” win an Oscar not surrounded the release of The Revenant, Tom Hardy’s full-bodied performance as the rough, ruthless John Fitzgerald might have had a little room to breathe—and soak up enough acclaim to snatch a win. Hardy’s acting feels layered and special beyond the physical difficultly in the film’s production. Odds are in favor of Sly Stallone for his return to the Rocky franchise, but we wouldn’t mind seeing Hardy take home the gold for his chilly turn.

Best Supporting Actress: Rooney Mara, Carol

Despite overwhelming acclaim and six nominations, Todd Haynes’ Carol missed the final cut for Best Picture. An acting win might help cool that burn, particularly for Rooney Mara’s stunning work. Like Alicia Vikander’s role in The Danish Girl, Mara’s Therese arguably belongs in the lead category, but since the Academy placed her here, why not give her credit for her deeply affecting characterization? Mara and Cate Blanchett make a magnetic pair in this romance, so much so that it’s hard to separate “award-worthiness” between the two. But two-time winner Blanchett has acclaim to spare. Mara made us swoon, and here’s hoping the Academy felt it too.

Best Documentary Feature: Amy

“Gone too soon” doesn’t even begin to tell the story of Amy Winehouse, and Asif Kapadia’s thoughtful documentary knows it, never attempting to force the late singer’s life into a cliché narrative. Instead, Kapadia’s Amy slowly peels back the layers of the elusive star and refocuses the spotlight on her incredible talent. The heartbreaking result converts you into her biggest fan before forcing you to be a helpless witness. Amy would be a deserving, meaningful winner.

Best Foreign Film: Theeb

The betting Oscar-viewer should go with Son of Saul, but we don’t want to see Jordan’s Theeb left in its shadow. Theeb starts with a deep voiceover: “He who swims in the Red Sea cannot know its depth.” Ironically, the movie never actually makes it to the Red Sea, instead spending an hour and a half searching breathtaking desert of Wadi Rum during the height of World War One’s Great Arab Revolt in 1916. It’s beautiful in the way a landscape painting is, placing you right there among the rocks and making you viscerally feel the vastness of its almost otherworldly setting. Theeb would be Jordan’s first Oscar winner, and an undeniably worthy one.