Q: Whenever I like someone, when I find out they like me back, I end up not liking them as much. How do I keep up the romance? -Gertrude Romance Lincoln IV
Dear Gertrude,
We want to be with people who are too good for us. We dream of the perfect, unattainable partner that only exists in fantasies. When they don’t meet those expectations, you might begin to dream of someone even better, more perfect than the person you thought made sparks fly. You’ll begin to imagine what the future could look like together, and when it’s not as exciting as you previously thought, the lackluster feeling sets in.
Getting to know someone intimately and being vulnerable fuels the mystery because you both divulge so much about yourselves, but not the real secret of whether you want to take the next step together.
When the two of you realize this longing for each other is mutual, you begin to really assess if a relationship is possible.
Figure out what you can really enjoy together, what plans you can make and achieve together and what the two of you can expect from the relationship. For example, if you are excited about having a TV show you watch together in the evenings or plan on making dinner together on Wednesday nights, you’ll begin to see what the relationship can realistically be.
One classic relationship test is to travel together. It can be a great way to see how your crush interacts with other people, how they act under stress, what they like to do in their free time and how they set up their priorities. In reality, you can do all this without actually going anywhere, but these factors can be really crucial to deciding whether this is a match made in heaven.
Think about what kind of person would fit your lifestyle, and if your crush fits the mold, start those date night plans to keep the romance alive. It might feel weird to just jump into going on miniature golf dates or walks through the park, but having fun together can shed light on how meaningful a relationship can be. My favorite thing to do early in a relationship is to wake up early and go out to breakfast together. You get to see how cranky the two of you are when you’re sleepy and how optimistic they are for the rest of the day. Plus, it’s a chance to see who grabs the check.
This can also be different for different people. If you are someone who appreciates their own personal time and space, quickly having someone occupy that place can be difficult. The intrusion into your life’s normalcy can be very exciting, but for some it can be off-putting.
The commitment of a significant other can also be a hard addition to a structured lifestyle. If you like someone a lot but don’t know how they’re going to fit into your life, the transition to care for each other can be scary.
The excitement of possibility is startling. You’ll feel so warm and maybe nervous about the direction you’re headed. When that feeling starts to fade, take it upon yourself to see what could happen if it didn’t. The optimism that you had when your future was a mystery now just takes some planning and attention.
I hope you’re happy and I hope you share your life with someone you deserve,
Braedon