Self-soothing looks different for everyone. Regardless, people should know how to comfort themselves. 

Maintaining a social circle is incredibly beneficial to one’s health. Friends can help you realize hard truths about yourself as well as lower stress and anxiety levels. However, it is wise to learn how to comfort yourself. 

There will be times in your life when your friends and family will not be around. At the end of the day, it is helpful to be able to pull ourselves together after a tough situation or a long day because we have control over our own lives. 

For me, self-soothing looks like taking a hot shower and rewatching my favorite movie or TV show. It also looks like lighting a candle, making tea and journaling, or putting on my noise-canceling headphones and staring at the ceiling. 

I do whatever makes me happy and feels right in the moment. 

Mary White, a licensed professional clinical counselor, said self-soothing starts with realizing our thoughts create our feelings and a state of calm is always one thought away. 

“Anytime we’re out of balance or in a stressed state, that’s our mind whipping up a thought storm about something,” White said. “Things outside of our thinking don’t actually create our feelings.” 

Our thoughts have a lot of power and being able to see those as potential mental barriers is a strong first step toward self-soothing, according to White. Sometimes it is important to reflect inwards before blaming outside forces. 

Cecilia Bloomquist, a clinical social worker and associate director of the mental health clinic at Boynton Health, said self-soothing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls the body’s ability to relax. 

“You can think clearer,” Bloomquist said. “You’re able to use your reflection skills. You have that ability to think outside the box.”

Self-soothing can be deep breathing, personal affirmations, exercise or being mindful of the small things throughout your day, according to Bloomquist. The more personalized the self-care plan is, the more effective it is. 

“It’s always good to be proactive on your self-care plan,” Bloomquist said. “If you have things you already do throughout your day to keep yourself regulated, you have a better chance to cope when the stress gets higher.” 

People who are busier, like college students, are so preoccupied with what is going to happen next in their lives, that they forget to stay in the present moment, according to Bloomquist. For example, if you are driving somewhere, stay present in the drive, pay attention to your surroundings, listen to the radio. 

“Busy people tend not to prioritize those little breaks and reset moments,” Bloomquist said. “The ones that are better at handling a lot of stress are the people that can build that in and stick to it.” 

Self-soothing can consist of simple tricks to stay grounded throughout the day. 

Jake Loeffler, a staff psychologist and outreach coordinator at Student Counseling Services at the University of Minnesota, said effective self-care benefits our immune system and longevity. To Loeffler, self-care can be as simple as good sleep and a nutritional diet. 

“When you take care of your body, you feel better,” Loeffler said. “You feel happier. You feel more energized. When you’re constantly tired, you often question or doubt yourself and your ability to achieve your goals.” 

College is a great time to develop good self-care habits, according to Loeffler. Putting those habits into practice now will sustain students well into their chosen career paths. 

Self-care and self-soothing are not a “one-type-fits-all” mold. Despite that, a balance of short-term and long-term goals could be beneficial for most college students, according to Loeffler. 

“Who wants to study on a Friday night, you know?” Loeffler said. “But for your degree, sometimes you have to do that. But at the same time, it’s good to still enjoy that process of learning and reconnecting with the joy of what you’re doing in the moment.” 

Self-soothing also helps relationships remain healthy, according to Loeffler. While it is important to have a support system for people, you should know how to take care of yourself. The price of not being able to comfort yourself could give way to codependent relationships. 

“It’s very soothing to have a conversation with somebody that can understand you and validate your emotions, but it is important to give your friends the flexibility to not be available all the time for that,” Loeffler said. 

When it comes to leaning on your social circle for support, you should be open to feedback and criticism, Loeffler added. 

“Take that as a learning opportunity because most of the time when people give us negative feedback, it’s because they care about us,” Loeffler said. 

Cultivating stable mental health is a long journey and a delicate balancing act. A good place to start is to self-reflect. What could bring you joy in the present moment? How can you be productive right now to be less stressed? Are you facilitating your own stress? How can you fix it?

It is crucial to learn how to support ourselves. Everyone is dealing with their own baggage. One soothing thought could be that you are not alone. 

One soothing thought that helps me is, “It is not that deep.”