Editor’s note: This article was originally published in the May 2024 University News print edition.
Intimaa AbuHelou remembers the first time an Israeli military airstrike hit the area around her school in Gaza.
It came during her seventh-grade final exam and caused panic in the class. AbuHelou knew thunder in June was impossible but to calm her classmates, she naively told them that “it was the thunderstorm.”
“We evacuated the school, and they started bombing,” AbuHelou said. “I saw dead bodies on the ground for the first time in my life.”
AbuHelou, a graduate student at Saint Louis University, has since experienced five wars and multiple military escalations. Now, she is living through yet another war, this time on the outside, watching her family try to survive, but unable to be with them.
Since Hamas’ Oct. 7 attack, the Israeli military has killed 34,000 people in Gaza, including 35 of AbuHelou’s family members who were killed by a missile attack while sheltering in tents in the south of Gaza, she said.
“Being here and having flashbacks from the wars that I’ve survived and then thinking about my people, my family- it just makes me feel helpless,” AbuHelou said. “It makes me feel guilty for being here having access to electricity, water, food and being safe while my people are being killed in so many ways… not just the bombs… [they are] being starved to death.”
It is hard watching the war from afar, AbuHelu said, but she is trying to advocate for her family and community. In March, AbuHelou attended the State of the Union as a guest of Rep. Cori Bush from Missouri, one of the first representatives to call for a ceasefire.
Loving and leaving Gaza:
Born and raised in Gaza, AbuHelou has always lived with the reality of war and destruction. For the five wars she lived through from 2008-2021, she can recall the exact amount of days each one lasted.
“We became experts. We can know the type of rockets they’re using based on the smell, the destruction and the sound,” AbuHelou said. “When we can still hear the sound of the drones we feel safe because it means it’s not bombing. But if the sound disappeared, then this should scare you. It means that it’s ready to bomb.”
Despite this reality, the decision to leave Gaza was a hard one to make. For Palestinians, leaving Gaza means risking losing their identity and attachment to their land, she said.
“History has proven itself. If you left, you’ll never be able to go back again,” AbuHelou said, referencing the 1948 Nakba when 750,000 Palestinians were displaced and expelled from their homes, including Abu-Helou’s family.
The Nuseirat Refugee Camp, where AbuHelou lived with her family, is located in the middle of the besieged Gaza Strip and is home to around 85,000 Nakba refugees.
Although the refugee camp suffers from overcrowding, high unemployment and poverty rates, and frequent electricity cuts, Intimaa fondly recalls how family and neighbor-oriented her community was. Despite living under an occupation, Gazans always enjoyed life to the fullest, AbuHelou said.
“We take care of each other. As a community we have a strong bond,” AbuHelou said. “We didn’t really care about a fancy life as long as our people are fine, as long as our family is fine, as long as our neighbors are fine. I would say the happiest moment would be the time that I spent with my family, the beach, definitely friends gathering. We appreciate our little things because we’re not being offered a lot.”
She could not find that same sense of community when she moved to the United States in 2022 to pursue a masters as a Fulbright scholar.
AbuHelou recalled the experience of traveling out of Gaza as a humiliating process. While at a checkpoint to exit Gaza into Israel, AbuHelou said she was forced to pull down her pants by Israeli soldiers because she was wearing a belt.
“They intentionally wanted to humiliate me, so they asked me to look at the camera, and they were joking. I could see them making fun of me,” she said.
There are two ways to exit out of Gaza: one is through the Rafah border, which Egypt controls, and the other is the Israeli controlled Erez crossing. According to AbuHelou and many other Palestinians, both of these exits are challenging to pass through.
Palestinians are frequently subject to arrests, assaults and humiliation at this Gaza-Israel border.
Israel heavily restricts what comes in and out of Gaza. AbuHelou said security forces do not allow chargers, laptops, makeup products, medication, food or anything with metal or plastic.
AbuHelou recalls having to leave her luggage behind because it contained a small amount of plastic in it.
“So I ended up leaving Gaza with a backpack and that backpack has only my travel documents and money and papers and that’s it. I left Gaza literally with no clothes, just the ones that [I was] wearing,” AbuHelou said.
Anti-war protests give hope:
AbuHelou sympathizes with students protesting on college campuses across the country. She said she appreciates how students are not only educating themselves on the history of Palestine but are also taking action for change.
“I mean for the first time in life, I can see that there is empowerment, that there is awareness about what is happening. The young generation is becoming educated and aware of what is happening, and they’re refusing to be silent,” she said.
AbuHelou participated in a protest against Allen West, who was invited to speak on campus by the SLU College Republicans on March 26. She also applauded SLU students for standing up for Dylan Mulvaney when she was invited by the Great Issues Committee on April 22 for a conversation about her activism and transition.
“I like how they’ve been vocal about a lot of things that are happening inside of campus, and that they’re not just only standing up for Palestine and Gaza, they’re standing up for immigrants and refugees and the LGBT community,” AbuHelou said about SLU students.
While AbuHelou admires students’ activism, she is critical of the SLU administration’s response to the war. She believes they are not living up to their Jesuit mission.
“If you’re calling yourself a school for social justice, then you should really stick to your values and the missions of our college and the mission of this school,” AbuHelou said.
Although she is not expecting much from the administration, she wishes there would be more space created for dialogue surrounding Palestine. AbuHelou also highlights the contradiction in the Jesuits’ lack of concern for the land connected to Jesus.
“It’s funny, like Jesus is a Palestinian. He was born in Bethlehem, in Palestine. If you don’t care about Muslims, then care about the homeland of the Prophet Jesus,” AbuHelou said.
Graduation and hopes for the future:
When discussing her upbringing, AbuHelou emphasized the significant role of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine refugees (UNRWA), which operate many of the educational and health facilities in the Gaza Strip. It is a lifeline for Palestinians, AbuHelou said.
The organization was founded in 1949, a year after the establishment of the Israeli state and the Nakba.
The UNRWA stands out as the sole UN organization dedicated exclusively to aiding a particular population, and operates many of the educational and health facilities in the Gaza Strip.
“We owe them so much. Without UNRWA services, I would not be here today. I would not be well educated. I would not be healthy,” AbuHelou said.
Back in March, Congress passed a bill to cut funds for UNRWA because the Israeli government alleged some UNRWA staff were working with Hamas. These allegations have been called into question as lacking credible evidence.
When asked about what immediate changes AbuHelou wishes the U.S. government would take, she included UNRWA in her answer.
“Ceasefire. Reinstatement of funding to UNRWA,” AbuHelou said. “[Those are] the two main things that need to happen right now. Like stopping this genocide.”
AbuHelou is set to graduate with a master’s in Public Health this May. Her thesis, titled “War-induced Environmental Health Risks: Heavy Metal Contamination in the Gaza Strip, Its Impact on Maternal and Child Health, and the Urgent Need for Action,” reflects her dedication and love for Gaza.
Her dream job is to work for UNHCR, the U.N. refugee agency, to increase access to healthcare services for immigrants and refugees around the globe.
“We resist in so many different ways. Till this moment I always, always write about Gaza. Talking about Palestine and Gaza in class, educating not just the students but also my professors is a form of resistance. I hope when I graduate and come into a position that I can contribute to my people.”