I have a knack for killing plants.

When I was a kid, I had a cactus. Not only did I overwater it, but I also knocked it over a bunch, including one time where I tried to grab it as it fell.

Ouch.

Then there were the multiple attempts at radishes that I always dug up too early and the bamboo that’s sort of half alive right now. My friend Joe actually just gave me a new bamboo plant, complete with a note that says: “Don’t kill this one.”

But now, miraculously, there is a flower pot outside my apartment that is blossoming with gorgeous purple petunias. I never planted them; the pot originally housed the remains of another failed radish attempt. However, they started growing this summer, and I’ve been watering them. They haven’t died yet, so I must be doing something right.

Petunias remind me of my grandma, Margie. She has this glorious ability to make plants blossom-a trait I obviously did not inherit-and petunias peppered her collection of flowers over the years.

My grandma Margie is an extraordinary woman. She graduated in 1940 at the age of 17. She went to “Normal” (aka teaching) school at Wayne State College back when credit hours cost 50 cents apiece and few people continued their education after high school. She taught country school for 13 years, worked in a watch factory here in Lincoln, and took care of foster kids. She traveled a bit and even went to Cuba. How many U.S. citizens can say that now?

She was a strong, single woman. And when she was 33, she married my grandpa, Leonard.

Back in the day, it was kind of unusual for a woman of her age to get married, let alone to have two kids, but because she did that, I learned some very important things from her. My mother, her daughter, made sure that I understood them, and I will always be grateful.

The first lesson was that I don’t need to be with someone if they’re just someone to be with. If you’re sticking around in a relationship that is going nowhere just because you’re afraid of being single, you might miss out when Mr. or Miss Right does come along. If you’re with someone who isn’t helping you grow or is trying to hold you back, it’s not meant to be.

Also, sometimes you need time to grow on your own before you grow with someone else. My boyfriend and I have agreed not to even talk about marriage until after we’ve both finished our educations and I’ve (hopefully) served two years in the Peace Corps. We want that time to grow on our own before getting too tangled up in the other person’s life.

I once judged a speech contest with a lady who had dreamed of going into the Peace Corps with her husband. They got married, and he backed out of the deal. The Peace Corps won’t split up married couples, so now the wife is stuck, unable to achieve her dream.

My boyfriend and I don’t want to put our dreams aside because of the other person. Sure, the sacrifice would be “romantic” or whatever, but real love encourages you to follow your dreams. And if it means time away from each other, well, real love waits.

My grandmother had to wait 33 years to find the man she wanted to marry. That is patience, and patience is a sign of devotion, which is a sign of love. If you say you love someone, but you don’t want to wait two, three, four years to be with them, then you don’t love them. You don’t have to get married young. In fact, those who get married too young have higher rates of divorce, according to Pew Research.

Second, when you do get around to it, love and relationships need to be treated the right way. You can’t force love to blossom before it’s ready, and you need to give it just the right amount of attention.

If you spend too much time with someone or constantly rely upon the other person, it can be as overwhelming as overwatering. Just like it made my cactus sick, it can make relationships sick. Sure, at first it seems fun to spend all of your time with your significant other, but you need to have your own lives. What happens if you do break up and your entire life had revolved around life with that person? It’s going to be a lot more painful than cactus spikes in your hand.

I know way too many people who got too close too fast. A friend of mine fell for her guy so far that when they started spending all of their time together and started fighting, she refused to give him space. She was afraid that if she wasn’t with him all the time, she’d lose him. In reality, the opposite was true; her clinginess repelled him.

But you can’t go too far the other direction either. Otherwise, you don’t actually have a relationship. It’s like this guy Jon that I liked back in my early high school years. We sometimes referred to our relationship as “dating,” but we never actually went on dates, except for one prom.

We barely talked, and we had our own separate groups of friends. Looking back on it, I chuckle because it was never more than friendship and scarce friendship at that. You have to give your significant other the love and attention they deserve so that the connection you have doesn’t wilt and wither.

I am so glad that I have a grandmother who didn’t marry until she was 33 and who did all sorts of wonderful things before and after her wedding. She proved to me that even if I’m bad at growing plants, I can make my relationships bloom.