Back when I was a freshman — long ago, at a university far, far away — I got the only tattoo I’ve ever regretted. Breaking up with a tattoo is harder, and more expensive, than dumping a live-in significant other. Your options are basically either a cover-up tattoo or laser removal — or some combination of both.

Your best bet is not getting a tattoo you’re going to regret in the first place.

I’m not arguing against tattoos; that would be astoundingly hypocritical of me. I’m not covered, but I have a few, one of which is a sleeve — incidentally, one covering the aforementioned regretted tattoo. If you want a tattoo, go for it.

Before you do, though, don’t just choose a design because it’s pretty or trendy. This ink is going to be with you for the rest of your life. Let me repeat that so it sinks in: the rest of your life — there’s a lot of dude-bros out there regretting their tribal armbands 10 years later. If you’re going into this planning to have the tattoo removed at a later date, you should save some money and go get a temporary transfer from the quarter machines or just draw on yourself with a Sharpie.

Also, keep in mind that you’re in college, presumably to earn a degree to qualify for a specific career.  In other words, if you want to teach fifth graders, don’t get a neck tattoo.

Your design should do more than look totally awesome — though it should obviously do that as well. It needs to mean something. It doesn’t need to mark an epiphany, but it should mean more to you than just your first tattoo. And for goodness’ sake, don’t get your significant other’s name tattooed on your body. Just, no. In all my years as a tattoo junkie I have never met anyone with their special someone’s name on them who was still with that special someone. A rule of thumb for names is: they should only be your children’s or a dead person’s.

To get your perfect design, you need to collaborate with your artist. Tell them what you want and bring them reference pictures, and they’ll sketch up something for you. Tell them what you do and don’t like about that sketch, and they’ll draw you up another one. Repeat the process until there’s nothing you don’t like about the design. Don’t settle on this. Remember: the rest of your life.

The process of working with the artist in designing your ink is also a good way to make sure you don’t annoy the crap out of each other. You’re going to be trapped under their needle for what might be hours; being able to tolerate each other will be a good thing.

Please don’t just pick the nearest tattoo parlor and the artist who’s free when you wander in off the street. Shop around. The artists will have portfolios of their work on display in their shop. Leaf through their books until you find someone whose style speaks to you, amazes you and makes you want to look at it every day for the rest of your life. This is a big decision. My artist is three hours away, because what she does with color is amazing. For me, that’s worth the drive.

Tattoos hurt. Anyone who told you otherwise was either lying or drunk. A reputable artist will never tattoo anyone they know to be under the influence, and not only because they’ll lose their license. If it’s not worth the pain, don’t get a tattoo; it’s as simple as that. If you absolutely have to look like a d-bag, try the transfers and Sharpie route, or I hear they have fabric “tattoo sleeves” at Spencer’s. Keep in mind that anywhere the skin is thin, or the bones are close to the surface, is gonna hurt like a mother. I don’t recommend one of those areas for your first, but I’m not the boss of you, so do what you want.

If you have any questions, ask your artist! They’re your number one resource — utilize them.

If after reading this you still get an ironic — or stupid — tattoo, your pain when it’s getting lasered off or covered up will be my sweet, sweet revenge.