Mike Hogan / Opinion Editor
Looking for singles with style? Our editors have style… AP style. They’ve each made a pitch for themselves, so take your pick from our editorial board personals:
Why people should date me, as if it is not obvious.
First and foremost, I am a redhead. As if this does not make me one above the rest, I am well-traveled, hilarious and a huge sports fan. I am an asset to any trivia team, mostly in the category of history, and have an extensive shoe collection. I alphabetize all things, so you will never find yourself dazed or confused in my presence. I carry straws at all times and always order off of the children’s menu, so I make for a cheap date. I am allergic to cats, so you never have to worry about me wanting a kitten as a present. I have a perfect traffic record and have worked as a bartender. I most likely will be the U.S. President some day, so if you are interested in the title of First Man, then I am your woman.
–Emily Diehl
My name is Adnan and I love my mom. I’m a YouTube sensation. I’m actually really normal. You will never go hungry if you date me, unless you would like to participate in Fastathon with me.
-Adnan Syed
Have you ever wondered what it’d be like to date a gorgeous model? Me too. Maybe we can go on a date and wonder together. I can talk baseball, rap most Kanye songs and one time I touched Gerard Butler. And you never have to worry about looking shorter than me in heels. 5-foot-2, baby! Those who misuse “your” and “you’re” need not apply.
-Lizzie Bartek
I really like Nature Valley bars. Oats ‘n Honey is my favorite. One year, I didn’t shave and almost grew facial hair. My favorite movie is “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” Kate Hudson just sparkles. I’ve asked for a three-hole punch for every birthday since I was 12. I still haven’t gotten one.
-Tony Traina
I secretly wish that I was from foggy London Town after studying abroad there. My Facebook profile picture speaks for itself. I’m really smart because I have like five majors and two minors. I’m not looking for a sugar daddy, but if I can’t find someone to date, that would be a good alternative.
-Hallie Kaiser
Looking for a lady who doesn’t have a solid grasp on reality? This copy editor hangs in the UNews room between 8 p.m. and 1 a.m. on Wednesday nights. I like dogs, pasta and long walks on the beach. My patronus is either Bruce Springsteen or a unicorn. I will smash you if you have poor grammar.
-Caitlin Simmonds