By: Shannon Ryan

Where my well-dressed fellas at? I know you’re out there, guys; perhaps you’re buried underneath some stodgy high school tees and University of Minnesota sweats, but I see through that. I believe in the power of dress.

If I squint my eyes ever so slightly, I see a budding fashionisto behind those abysmal wind pants and shoddy running shoes. You just need some guidance to let your dark and debonair side see some light.

Question 1:

When ordering a drink, which do you prefer?

A. Pabst Blue Ribbon

B. Rum and Coke

C. Scotch on the rocks

D. Stella Artois

Question 2:

When getting dinner with a date for the first time, where would you take him/her?

A. The Loring Pasta Bar

B. The Bachelor Farmer

C. Bryant-Lake Bowl

D. La Belle Vie

Question 3:

When participating in a formal event, which do you prefer to put on?

A. Skinny Tie

B. Clip-on Necktie

C. Regular Necktie

D. Bow Tie

Question 4:

When getting dressed in the morning, which type of pant are you most likely to slip into?

A. Corduroys

B. Jeans

C. Trousers

D. Sweatpants

Question 5:

Which of these upcoming concerts would you pull the trigger and purchase tickets for first?

A. Tame Impala

B. Rihanna

C. Kenny Chesney

D. Jim James

Question 6:

Where do you like to get your beak wet on the weekends?

A. Blarney Pub and Grill

B. Icehouse

C. Palmer’s Bar

D. Prohibition

Key:

1. A. 2; B. 1; C. 4; D. 2
2. A. 2; B. 3; C. 1; D. 3
3. A. 1; B. 0; C. 2; D. 2
4. A. 2; B. 1; C. 3; D. 0
5. A. 2; B. 2; C. 1; D. 2
6. A. 1; B. 2; C. 2; D. 3

8 points and below: Simple Boi

Fashion may very well be foreign to you, and you’re disinterested in its entirety, but don’t stop reading quite yet — I’m not asking too much from you. A simple and classic way to spruce up your evening apparel is to put on a pair of dark denim and a printed button-down, then toss on a light, v-neck sweater top in a solid shade. For shoes, remember this cardinal rule: Never wear running shoes when going out. To stay casual, wear a pair of printed sneakers or slip-ons. This is a clean and easy look that leans in the right direction, toward adulthood instead of puberty.

9-12 points: Hip Kid

Though you have a certain style to you already, try dipping into a larger pool of items to add some jam to the peanut butter already on your palate. Try a pair of skinny trousers in an unorthodox shade of mustard or deep mahogany, coupled with a thrifted, worn tee or a simple henley underneath a fitted sports coat. Go ahead and wear your Chucks to the party for a little more hip flavor, and cap the look off with a beanie of your choice. Don’t quote me, but I think that’s what “fresh to death” looks like.

13-15 points: Fashionisto

You’ve got style, boy. Let people see. Wearing a pair of dark denim in a slim fit always leads an outfit on a cool note — now add a button-down and a tie to add some heat. Don’t leave it at that, though — add some more visual stimulation with a vest. Vests are great to dress up jeans, especially if the jean is a dark wash and not faded. Wearing a plaid or striped button-down will keep the look casual and rolling up the sleeves a tad will make it appear more effortless. Finish the outfit with a pair of leather oxfords on the dogs and a leather jacket over your shoulders.

16-17 points: Dapper Dawg

Well, well, well, you Scott Disick homage, you. Suave may very well be your middle name, but quit letting people have to guess at it. I urge you to play with patterns. Mix a tweed blazer with a gingham shirt and a polka dot bow tie for an aesthetically pleasing explosion of prints. Offset the eccentric nature of your upper half with a pair of navy trousers and a set of tasseled loafers for some feet-flair. I apologize for the obscene amount of phone numbers you’re about to get.