“I felt like I was drinking more than I was breathing.”

—Dinkytown

Professor: “Nobody ever wants to try to make an AI act like a real person … because there are more fun ways to make people.”

—Keller Hall

“They’re all different shades of white!”

—Centennial Hall lobby

“Well, it’s either keep sitting and sleeping here in my hallway or I could come get my keys from your place. … I kinda like where I’m at right now.”

—Unknown

Guy 1: “You’re not my doctor!”

Guy 2: “How do you know?”

Guy 1: “You don’t touch my groin when I cough!”

—Campus Connector

“You heard about the lineup for Spring Jam? It’s as depressing as all the snow!”

—Nicholson Hall

“I just think we should support a corporation that’s more honest about how it kills people off, that’s all.”

—Hanson Hall

“So … I’m on a short bus with a stripper pole and cutting my steak with plastic silverware.”

—Campus Connector

“Tiny bridges are cute. Kittens are cute. Viruses are not cute.”

—Campus Connector

Guy 1: “I’m going to listen to my French music.”

Guy 2: “‘Niggas in Paris’ is not French music.”

—Bailey Hall

Person 1: “There were three really hot girls there.”

Person 2: “Strippers?”

Person 1: “No, people.”

—Armory building