Girl 1: “Oh, I have to have you listen to this new band I found!”

Girl 2: “What are they called?

Girl 1: “They’re called The Beatles. They must be some sort of new hipster band.”

 —Science Teaching and Student Services building

Girl 1: “American mangos are so gross.”

Girl 2: “What, are African mangos better?”

Girl 1: “Yes! Way better! It tastes like sex in your mouth!”

—Target

“I’ve never hated winter as much as I do this spring.”

—Outside Akerman Hall

Guy: “Everytime I pass a buffet, I say ‘God bless America.’”

—Dinkytown

“I was literally walking around campus with two bags full of sexy toys.”

—Middlebrook dining hall

Girl: “I’m not as drunk as you think I do!”

—Dinkytown

“Me seeing my son shouldn’t have anything to do with me getting my weed.”

—Outside the St. Paul Student Center

Girl: “He gave me a Ravenclaw shirt with my name on the back. That was so cute.”

—Outside Annie’s Parlour

Girl: “I told him I didn’t wanna [expletive], and then he poked me with his penis.”

—Unknown

“I’d suck a man’s dick for a donut right now.”

—Middlebrook Hall

“I’ve only been in one fight, and I’m a soccer player … so I threw him to the ground and kicked him.”

—Health and wellness class

Professor: “Males, what makes you cry?”

Guy 1: “‘Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.’”

Guy 2: “When the dog dies in ‘I Am Legend.’”

Guy 3: “‘Toy Story 3.’”

—Mechanical Engineering building