So apparently, in addition to constant frames of Brad Pitt, genitals, and maybe Brad Pitt’s genitals, the movie Fight Club also includes a Starbuck’s cup in every single scene.
I’ve seen that movie more times than I’ve gone to breakfast in a dining hall and I still don’t notice them. Until recently, I also hadn’t noticed that bright Pink bags containing lacy merchandise have been appearing in female hands across campus.
Now I’m as much a fan of fitted pink sweatpants as much as the next person, but something so gaudy outside of American Apparel or Toad’s had to be investigated. My research led me to Anne Gonzalez (MC ’16) and Michaela Murphy (MC ’17); the missionaries who have dedicated themselves to educating the unenlightened masses in the ways of Pink. (Pink, in case you’ve never been to middle school, is the funner, flirtier, uncomfortably more Lolita-esque younger sister of Victoria’s Secret).
I met with Michaela and Anne to chat about boyfriend pants, rom-coms, and the brand identity of their capitalist overlords.
BB: What do you guys do as campus reps?
MM: Well, basically our job is just to raise awareness of the brand on campus.
AG: It’s mainly when there’s something new coming out, like they have a new yoga line, so we’re having a yoga party to give away the new yoga things, but we’re not retail.
BB: Are there going to be Pink keggers? Is that going to be a thing?
AG: (laughs) No…
MM: No, Pink is supposed to be kind of the fun, flirty, we keep everything on the cupcakes and icing side of things.
BB: The website says that Pink is the “home to comfy, effortlessly cool wear and accessories. We’re for the independent spirit on campus – true of heart, intelligent, and inspired!”
MM: Yep, as soon as you put on the shirt, that’s what you are.
BB: Is it that easy?
AG: I mean everyone here already embodies that.
MM: I think our campus has it pretty easy ‘cause we’re already independent and cool individuals I think.
BB: Effortlessly cool though?
MM: Yeah!
AG: Cool is a state of mind.
BB: So, are you intimately familiar with all their products right now?
MM: I’d say so.
AG: Yeah, during brand training we got to know them. I didn’t really shop at Pink before this, and at brand training we had different sessions where we learned more about the product, like the sport line, the yoga line, stuff like that.
BB: Are you a convert now?
(long pause, laughter)
AG: Pink is honestly not my style. I would buy yoga pants and things like that, but I don’t really like big brand names strewn across your chest or your butt, and so… I don’t shop there.
BB: Now, imagine Pink as a person. What is Pink’s favorite rom-com?
MM: Mean Girls isn’t a rom-com, but that’s a movie that Pink literally draws from all of the time.
AG: I wouldn’t consider it a rom-com but there’s romance and comedy in there.
BB: Love, Actually?
MM: Oh no, it’s gotta be more fun than that.
AG: Pink is just not a rom-com. Pink is a com-rom.
BB: Pink’s favorite ice cream flavor:
AG: Birthday cake.
MM: Or maybe a strawberry shortcake, occasionally.
BB: Who is Pink’s perfect screw date?
MM: Somebody who knows how to dress well, and somebody who has a kind of cool laid-back charm, who’s willing to be adventurous.
BB: Effortlessly cool.
AG: You! You are Pink’s perfect screw date.
BB: Oh my god! Well you know who to set me up with. You know, I’m so flustered I can’t even say anything.
MM: I forgot screw was even a thing.
BB: Is Pink single?
MM: I think so…
AG: Yes.
MM: Pink is like –
AG and MM in unison: Eternally single.
MM: Yeah. (laughs)
AG: Unfortunately.
MM: There might be an occasional date during Valentine’s Day and Christmas.
AG: She’s fun and flirty. She flirts a lot. She can’t be tamed.
BB: So where did these boyfriend pants come from? Where does she get all this boyfriend clothing?
MM: She takes them from all of her flirtatious encounters.
BB: Flirtatious encounters!
AG: Pink is not a…!
YL: Pink has fun.
MM: Pink has fun.
Like members of Project Mayhem, campus reps like Michaela and Anne have been popping up everywhere. From Monster Energy Drink to Facebook to Pink, at least 1 in 248 of your friends is a covert agent of the consumerist machine.
Pink at Yale University will be having a yoga party the evening of Saturday, September 27, time and place TBD. If you want free shit that will make you effortlessly cool, follow them on Facebook at facebook.com/pinkyaleu and on Twitter and Instagram @pinkyaleu.