“I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes. Do you think I should take it down? Let me take another selfie.”

If you’ve ever posted a selfie, you understand what The Chainsmokers are talking about. That brutal, agonizing, crushing feeling of defeat as your self-esteem plummets with the lackluster amount of people who find your shameless selfie worthy of a double-tap. Suddenly, your mind is full of questions. “Why isn’t anyone liking it?” “Did I use the wrong filter?” And the best one of all – “Does this mean I’m ugly?” Questions of self-doubt transform into self-loathing and your once unshakeable confidence quickly deteriorates until you’re a shell of the person you were just 10 minutes before.

But hey, something has got to be said for trying, right? It does take some guts to post a picture of your face online for everyone to see and, ultimately – judge. That’s pretty much the premise of posting anything on social media. When you share a link, update your status or leave a witty comment all you’re really doing is putting yourself on a stage, and it’s up to the audience (your followers) to decide whether or not to boo you off or give you a standing ovation. But why exactly do we keep putting ourselves out there then, in spite of the fear of humiliation or lack of encouragement? Simply put, we do it because we want to matter. We want to feel good about ourselves and how we look and what we’re doing and where we are. We ceaselessly seek out our followers to give us what we think is a realistic reflection of our self-worth. For the most part, we implicitly say things like “tell me I’m pretty” or “look how cool and funny I am” and wait to see what the world really thinks. Compliments and praises have now been exchanged for likes and favorites.

But obviously not everyone needs more self-esteem. In fact, a lot of those selfie takers are horrible narcissists who see social media as a way for others to see how great they are. “Tell me I’m pretty” suddenly becomes “look how hot I am.” Sadly, the only real trick to learning how to distinguish the difference between gross narcissism and a cry for some positive reinforcement is to actually get to know the subject of the “self” portrait which is near impossible. As millennials, we’re known for being self-entitled brats. Social media and the polarizing art of the selfie have no doubt played their roles in promoting these negative traits. A beautiful girl with thousands of followers, for instance, posts a picture of herself and receives hundreds of likes. Now honestly, would anyone say she’s posting selfies because she thinks she’s ugly or needs her self-esteem boosted? Probably, yes. But then again, with so much positive reinforcement through likes and favorable comments, maybe you could find a reason as to why, in reality, that girl’s a total bitch.

In other words, while not getting enough support for someone’s post or picture can have damaging effects on feelings of self-worth, so too can receiving too much praise. It’s a double-edged sword that has a huge impact on the way people view themselves.

So how does one navigate through the tricky world of self-picture taking? First off, you shouldn’t be looking to online followers for reassurance. If you’re going to post a picture of yourself, do it for yourself, not for other people. I don’t care how ugly or pretty you think you are–40 double-taps won’t change anything in the end. Secondly, don’t take yourself too seriously, nobody else does. Unless you blow up your wall with a selfie stream that never ends, you shouldn’t have to worry about being too self-absorbed. Lastly, social media is supposed to help us connect with one another, not make us stress out and doubt ourselves. Use it for its original purpose and be genuine about it.

So if your picture only got 10 likes in five minutes, don’t be a wuss and take it down – you do you.