Yale’s compulsory alcohol ed video Think About It ™ makes this school look fun af. Over the summer before coming to Yale, incoming students watch peppy bulldog Actors get belligerently drunk on a weeknight, see a ragtag bunch of hotties flirt with reckless abandon, and even learn how to turn a vomiting friend on his side so he can vomit all over the hardwood floors of Old Campus. it’s so Ivy League ™!

So like maybe it’s just me, but now that we are a month into school I am Thinking About It ™, and i’m Thinking ™ that yale is NOT actually as sick as this video module led us to believe. we’ve been played, freshmen and transfer students! this video makes yale look literally dangerously turnt, and i’m just out here hitting up a cappella shows every friggin night

I filled out that mandatory section on how many wine servings my petite female frame can handle and now i’m like @YaleThinkAboutIt i watched ur video and had some preeeetty specific expectations. now that i’m here, where’s the sober buddy-man in ball-hugging undies with a fiery head of hair like baby Jack Jack at end of The Incredibles?! where’s the blonde chick with quirky glasses gazing forlornly at a bin overflowing with Natural Ices™ before raging at the frats?  And how can I get cast in next year’s module, just so I can drink beer with other young people?!

it’s time to wake up and smell the proverbial coffee, peers. the administration has done us bogus. To help you understand just how bogus, I’ve run the numbers and compiled this sad-faced pie chart of bogus.

www.statmethods.net/graphs/pie.html + edit

The objective data is speaking, and it’s louder than all the parties I’ve been to PUT TOGETHER.* We have been misled. I’m sad about it, and the only way to fight this injustice is for everyone to speak out and start inviting me to cool parties.** Cheers

*i have only been to one party.

**lora.kelley@yale.edu or u can add me to facebook events