Let me just get this out there: I’m a smoker. Many of my closest friends are smokers. Many more of my closest friends enjoy a casual cigarette from time to time.

There. Now that the air is clear (I may or may not have intended that pun), let’s get down to business: The Food and Drug Administration’s latest health warnings, which will take up a little more than half the back of cigarette packs starting next year, are absolutely ridiculous.

In standard government-issue, public-service-announcement formats, pictures of throat holes, black lungs, heart-attack victims and cadavers will soon decorate one of America’s favorite dirty pastimes, the FDA revealed today. To what end? People already know smoking is bad; I know smoking is bad. I’m fully aware of the dangers of smoking to me and those around me, a big reason why I try to be as conscious as possible to avoid harming anyone else from secondhand smoke.

Do I want to be a smoker the rest of my life? No. Do I think I’ll quit in the next five years? Yes. Do I want to quit now? No.

Get the FDA and its dirty, disgusting photos away from me. It seems like the FDA took a note out of the tea party handbook: If we put offensive, horrible images in plain sight, maybe people will change their minds. Nope. How’s that worked out for anti-abortionists? Is abortion still alive and kicking? (… OK, that was bad.)

So I wonder why the FDA thinks this will work for smokers.

Smokers don’t choose to smoke because we hate ourselves and hope to enjoy the side effects of increased heart risk and potential for cancer, but we’re well aware of them. There’s no reason to remind us with nasty photos plastered all over cigarette packs.

The FDA’s campaign is not going to force me to quit smoking. And smokers will find ways around this. If I were a smart, business-minded individual, I’d push out into the open market a simple plastic case to hold cigarette packs that would conveniently cover up the FDA’s latest screw-up. Cases like this already exist, and those companies will likely switch up their marketing campaigns to reflect the new obvious advantage of their products, but I could make some money throwing my hat in that ring.

Either way, scare tactics and gross-out campaigns have not worked and will never work. The only way I will quit smoking is if I’m damn good and ready to.

To see more of the FDA’s new health warnings, click here. (Warning: Images may be disturbing for some.)