Lucy and her friend Carol are walking back to Lucy’s apartment after work. She has invited Carol to dinner and a movie. Lucy left with the knowledge that she would have to pass a rather active bar along the way, where she can usually count on being catcalled by various patrons. Lucy warns Carol of what is to come and claims that if they both keep their heads down they’ll eventually be left alone.

The hypothetical situation, which I have described to you, happens to be a rather stereotypical situation in which two women were in a place that made them feel uncomfortable and threatened. Allow me to explain.

One can feel threatened in many circumstances. Even if those circumstances are not immediately life-threatening. To feel at risk is to be putting your well-being in the trust of your instincts and to choose to listen to what they have to say.

“People have a wide range of responses when they feel threatened,” said Dr. Jocelyn Hollander, head of the UO sociology department. “Some people feel very fearful, others get angry, and some freeze and can’t respond at all. These are all totally normal reactions.”

There isn’t always an explanation to why we may feel at risk, and it is always your choice to decide for yourself. But sometimes the influence of others can lead women to ignore their instincts for better or worse.

For many women, they are often told that harassment is something to ignore, that it doesn’t mean anything and that they need to simply be above it. Harassment can include anything that makes them uncomfortable such as catcalls, stares and pick-up attempts.

“Some of these situations might seem trivial,” said Dr. Hollander. “But for the person experiencing them, they can actually feel quite threatening because they don’t know whether they’re the precursor to a more serious assault attempt.”

Lucy’s response is a very common one, and I have heard it repeatedly. The idea is that if you keep to yourself then you’re more likely to be left alone, however, from experience I’ve learned that more often than not, the opposite is true. Having confidence and verbally informing someone that you’re not interested is the best way to get others to leave you alone.

Sometimes it’s easy for women to simply be annoyed that they were stared at or that someone was persistently trying to pick them up. But other times these things take a toll, and it’s not easy to forget that sense of panic when the aggressor won’t stop.

It may seem reasonable to decide that being stared at – or “checked out” – is harmless because there is no forceful physical assault, but even just the lack of control that someone has over being stared at is degrading. Objectification is being played out in a single act of “innocent” looking.

“I do see persistent, unwanted attention as being on a continuum of assault,” said Dr. Hollander in reference to these particular acts as well as harassment and stalking. “It’s an attempt to control someone else and it can feel quite threatening to the person who is targeted.”

Assaults are not always physical, but they are certainly always direct. Dr. Hollander encourages women to trust their instincts. “If an interaction feels threatening, then listen to that gut feeling, even if others think it’s not a big deal,” Dr. Hollander said.

Women have a right to feel safe, and that right extends to everyday trials of unwanted attention. Not only do women have a right to defend themselves and stand up for themselves, but they also have a right to be respected.

The decision to decline offers is a right that we all have and should be treated as such. There’s no reason to be hostile about it, but as a woman myself, I ask that my spoken desires be taken into consideration before anyone tries to pick me up that second time around.

Although Sexual Assault Awareness Month is coming to an end, conversations such as these must continue in order to make progress.