Disclaimer: The “Hoots N’ Hollers” section of The Equinox is entirely satirical and not at all based in fact. Every story, photo and name used here is fictitious solely for the purpose of comedy and does not represent The Equinox’s or the College’s beliefs as a whole.

This past week, the L.P. Young Student Center celebrated its 21st year in existence and Keene State College senior Tim Simpleton couldn’t wait to be part of the action.

“We have to take the Student Center to the bar, man,” Simpleton said, “You can’t just NOT drink on your 21st birthday!”

Simpleton, who seems to be unaware that the L.P. Young Student Center is a building and not a human, said he’s “even down to buy all the drinks.”

With a few local bars already in mind, Simpleton said he is “way too psyched” for the Student Center’s 21st birthday.

“We have to go crazy! We can take him around to all the bars and show him what turning 21 is really supposed to be like,” Simpleton said.

Unbeknownst to Simpleton, the L.P. Young Student Center opened in 1995 and includes a marketplace, bookstore, computer store, café, offices for student organizations, and the Mabel Brown Room. It’s definitely a building and not a human.

“Wow, all of those places turned 21 too?” Simpleton said, “It’s going to be a huge night at the bar!”

Stephanie McCann can be contacted at smccann@kscequinox.com