A new phone app is sweeping the nation, greatly decreasing the number of cars on the road and the number of chafing pants. This new service, called Luber, offers rides to people at the tap of a button, with one delightful extra feature–all of the seats and walls in every Luber car are smothered in lubricant.

Illustration by Catalina Burch

“I was so fed up with pus-y blisters forming on my anus from my long hours of squatting in the car, but Luber offered a way out,” said Luber rider Richard Anderson.  That squelch when one enters a Luber vehicle signals to many the start of a memorable evening out on the town. Many Luber fans refuse go anywhere anymore without a thick coat of Luber’s patented juice all over their flesh and clothes.

Luber’s special moist ointment is specifically designed to reduce friction during car trips of all lengths. “I always felt I was fighting against my car, so I designed a lube to bring us closer together,” said Luber inventor and designer Bathilda Dank. “It’s an honor to be able to share my brainchild with the world,” she added.

The lube on the seats brings everybody in the car closer together, both physically as they are unable to stop themselves from sliding into each other, and emotionally as they bond over the shared experience of being lathered in a creamy paste. For many, Luber is a deeply emotional experience and is rapidly growing because of it. Luber currently offers its services in 633 cities worldwide, and is always looking to expand.