Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
The Colorado State University football team had another disappointing weekend inside Canvas Stadium, but as with any home game, there was a constant bright spot: CAM the Ram.
Game days are work days for CAM, as he is there for Ram Walk, alumni center activities and the football game itself.
As CAM trotted around the stadium Saturday while our team was getting obliterated on the field, a thought struck me that might just change the trajectory of CAM’s career forever.
CAM is a Rambouillet sheep, and Rambouillet sheep need to have their wool sheared. As the live mascot of CSU, CAM surely gets sheared frequently to make sure he is looking his best. This is a common health practice for Rambouillet sheep.
But what is the CSU Alumni Association — CAM’s benefactor — doing with that sheared wool?
CAM the Ram is famous and arguably one of the best parts of attending CSU. Getting a picture with him is a bucket list thing to do before you graduate.
CAM lives a relatively luxurious lifestyle on his private ranch, the location of which is not disclosed for his safety.
“The massive sums of cash that would be raised from CAM’s wool, which is presumably thrown away after it is sheared, could be put to good monetary use.”
Imagine if the Alumni Association and the Ram Handlers started collecting CAM’s wool to make wool products.
CAM, who is named after CSU’s second school name, Colorado State College of Agriculture and Mechanic Arts (Colorado A&M), has a loyal fan base. CAM the Ram is a rich tradition, and our current CAM is the 25th.
There are alumni out there who would hand over unbelievable sums of money to have a limited edition wool jacket or wool rug.
CAM makes people’s days when they see him trotting around. Making people smile is a great thing, but making them money is an even better thing.
There are so many opportunities for CSU to start making some extra cash that it is surprising “CAM wool” products have not already hit the market.
The massive sums of cash that would be raised from CAM’s wool, which is presumably thrown away after it is sheared, could be put to good monetary use.
The Alumni Association could create scholarships that would fund future students’ success at CSU. There would be a lot of clout associated with being on the CAM the Ram scholarship.
As our live mascot, who we take great care of, CAM lives a great life and is a great representative of the university.
If CAM could talk and could understand capitalism, he would probably be horrified that his wool is not generating a profit.
Reach Michael Stella at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @Michaelstella_.