Every morning, every man who has the need to go outside sometime during the day is forced to put on pants.

But underneath the clothing required for men to interact with the rest of the world is an under layer of protection, a last defense to keep an amusing pantsing from putting you on the sex offender registry.

Unlike women’s underwear, men’s underwear options are lacking in lace. Real women may have curves, but men tend to curve out in all the wrong places. While women are encouraged to show off their thighs and other parts of their body, men’s fashion has decided even shorts should show no skin above the kneecap.

Victor’s Secret is more about hiding a few extra pounds and unsightly stretch marks than exciting a partner with a leopard skin banana hammock. A select few will undress to impress with man-thongs, but the rest of us are concerned with camouflaging the pounds we put on by making pizza the foundation of every level in the food pyramid.

Chances are you plan on someone else eventually seeing your undergarments. Whether it’s a revealing romantic moment, or an awkward roommate encounter on the way to the bathroom in the morning, boxers leave a little more to the imagination than the thin piece of white fabric clinging to your business.

But your underwear selection can be more than physically revealing. Masculine men are only allowed briefs in the colors white or used-to-be white and should have been thrown away. This is why men with briefs have to do laundry more often, as stains better left to the imagination are illuminated by a translucent background. This common male problem explains the heavy use of cartoon and film characters printed on briefs… along with the marketability of cartoons and films.

While those men who have no trouble attracting women will undress to impress with man-thongs or the uncomfortable commando, the rest of us are using underwear as a last defense. Of course, boxers offer their own disadvantage, largely in a small-to-gaping hole that can, at the most inopportune moment, fail at the most fundamental purpose of clothing.

Although this design flaw can potentially turn the awkwardness of forgetting to zip your pants into an apology that will need to be sincere, boxer-makers had the average Joe in mind. The common man simply has no time to undo his belt that holds up his oversized pants, especially when forced or tempted to answer nature’s call in nature. This feature also allows those traveling on a long road trip to pretend they are discreetly relieving themselves in a bottle or other open container, even as friends beg you to pull over.

Ultimately boxers are the most comfortable cloaking device for your nether regions, and even girls are enjoying the fruits from this loom. When making this all-important decision, choose boxers, the underwear of the people.